Date:	2005-04-22 13:45
Subject:	Chilly Vanilly outside
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	Story of the Year " Page Avenue"

Havent updated in a really long time. Damn how the time flies. Just found out i have a new car, a 1995 mercury sable. LOL. Not a car i picked out, but i guess ill have to deal. Hey, at least i have a car. Things could always be worse. I also found out that my dad got me a 150 dollar gift certificate to a car audio store, as compensation for the car i didnt chose. I already have a huge sub and amp already, now im gonna get a freakin nother sub and amp and im gonna be blasting shit. Ya heard me! LOL. Still apartment shopping, cant seem to discover one yet, but it will work out.

Date:	2005-03-17 20:31
Subject:	Finally Udpating
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick
Music:	50 Cent "Wanksta"

I always seem to update this thing when I am alone and bored in my room. LOL. O well. Had a very stressful week, physcially, educationally, and socially. I am once again very sick, I guess im just the sick kid. You know that im stressed out when i get sick, and this week has been. Im worn down, exhausted, and tired. I took a math midterm on wednsday and it took me 2 hours and 15 minutes to finish it, last one in the class. I was stuck on one problem for like 45 minutes. AH! Egyptian's suck, they should have made a better math system. WHat is the point of using a math system that was used when people walked around naked. IDK. AT least i finished, i think i did ok. Now the drama is what has really been eating me alive inside. The back stabbing, the he said she said bologna, and the constant choosing are ridiculous. I feel like im at LSH, Lyndon State High. Do people really enjoy this feeling of hatred and confusion?? I dont. Im not perfect, I have acted immaturally, but im done. No good comes from fighting and name calling. Honesty is the best medicine. SO, this is my honest statement. I had a best friend, and now i dont. It will never be healed and it will never be the same again. Im not asking anyone to choose sides, and i would never. The people sucked into the middle i am sorry its not ur problem, but mind ur business and dont make comments if u want to stay out of the middle. Dont worry about me, unlike everyone else i dont have to question my true friendships and i know whos got my back no matter what. Thats all i care about, if i die with only one true friend, i died a lucky man. I will die knowing that I found my soul mate, and some people die never knowing or meeting theres.

Date:	2005-03-04 12:32
Subject:	Look in the mirror
Security:	Public
Mood:	SO PISSED!!
Music:	Dashboard Confessional

This entry is my statement to all those who are clueless. I LOVE AUDREY LIV PERRY! She is the girl of my dreams, and I will be with her forever. We are meant to be, and we have been through a lot together and overcame all obstacles. We have had our problems in the past, but what relationship doesnt. So if anyone has an issue with this can go to hell. I am not wasting my breathe on anyone who doesnt respect me or her anymore. SHe is my life, and will be forever. I will not apologize or deny the way I feel, and no one will come between us. So fuck you if u dont like what im saying. Im done, finished, finito with the petty drama.

Date:	2005-02-17 23:42
Subject:	What a Day
Security:	Public
Mood:	irritated
Music:	Third Eye Blind " Hows it Gonna Be"

Well Thursday, February 17, 2005 is a day that will live in my mind for a long time. Started off with the beautiful wake up from the love of my life, then the struggle of putting on her wind shield wipers. WHy do the little things like wind shield wipers cause more stress than anything else. Mcdonalds b fast with the macklim gimp, then classes. Then saying good bye to the big dawg andrew, and i remember asking andrew if his car would make it home, little bit of foreshadowing right there. So, got the car all packed, and off i was, with my new croc friend Al in the passenger seat all strapped in like my little homie. THe one thing i forgot was my cell phone charger, so, i notice around 30 minutes in that my battery is low. SO the smart kid i am i put the phone in my bag. After about 2 and a half hours later i had the right mind to get my phone because it was 5: 30 and I wanted to call Aud and tell her about the confusion of tomarrow. I look and i have 2 messages, both from big dawg saying that he is stuck at exit 6 in VT and that he needs a ride and his celly doesnt work. Im already in CT, half hour from home. I call Jaci cell because she was the only number i had. tell her the situation and then get a call from stephen. So, steve goes to exit 6 to find him and help him out. I get home and as soon as i step foot in my house i get a call from his mom. She tells me that she is in the hospital and that she cant get andrew. Im saying to myself, WHAT THE FUCK, what else could happen tonite, some more foreshadowing right there. Andrew calls me back when he gets in touch with steve and he got the ride from megan. I was so nervous and scared for the kid, he must have been at the gas station at exit 6 for like 4 hours at least. Poor kid, all could have been avoided if i had my damn cell phone charger. But its all worked out and andrew is on his way home as i write this.
That was before i got home. Then, I actually walked through the door and saw the parents. First thing they say to me, no lie, "WHATS UP WITH U AND THE GIRL?" No hello, no how was ur trip, straight to the drama. Basically fought with them for about 3 good hours, mom went straight to the wine, dad with the im not mad, "im just disappointed", and the brother just standing and watching shirtless with a smart ass look on his face. SO, after they were done telling me what to do, i told them what i was going to do. So, at the end of the night, nothing was solved just them pissing me off. I am now financially cut-off for a while, and thats fine with me, because I dont need money, I need my love, i need the women of my dreams more than money. I dont care about anything or anyone else, only her, and the only way i can be happy is with her. Parents dont think thats a good decision, because of the emotional shut down i had earlier in the semester. But,i am a mature adult and I love her and only her, the women i want to marry. So tomarrow im catching a ride to Hanover and staying with her for the weekend, and that was no easy task either. My cousins first said yes, then no, then yes again. So confusing, and me and aud were getting just a tiny little bit frustrated. But it is all worked out after a few hours of negotiations with the cousin. Wont be back till sunday, maybe monday. Long one today, lot of crap. I love stephen, murphy, macklim gimp, and BIG DADDY DAWG. ARGH!!!!(i didnt forget about u jaci and jenn)

Date:	2005-02-10 22:23
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

i havent updated in a while, so here i go. We got a lot of snow, and my dad and cousins are going to be coming up to snowmobile. My dad is staying till sunday, but my cousins want to stay till tuesday. I really dont want them to be here until tuesday because i have school and i dont want to be distracted. The weekend is cool, but ill see. Week is going pretty good, better than expected. I have been really happy for the past few days and it feels good. I still struggle to shuffle bewteen friends, and it is hard to make everyone happy. But, im gonna do what i want to do, and thats that. It is hard for me to say no to friends, but i have been getting better at it. Snow is awesome.

Date:	2005-02-01 14:57
Subject:	Poppy Cock
Security:	Public
Mood:	enraged
Music:	Staind "Could it Be"

I just got done with today's classes and again I have mad homework. On top of all that, I should be expecting a fine or a bill from the school because some stupid fucking douchebags decided to put maple syrup in the suite downstairs and ruin a tv and a telephone. Fucking bullshit. I dont care about the fine at all. I can shit out what they fine me. It just pisses me off that there is no security on this campus. I dont feel safe here now, whats stopping a psycho murderer from coming to wheelock and killing us all?? LSC has to get more security otherwise this will keep on happening. Can LSC get any worse? I sure hope not. No one likes it here. Everyone i talk to says this place sucks. When you talk to college graduates from other schools they are supportive and in love with their school and proud. Here, I am not proud, I am embarresed. And you have certain indivisuals who bring everybody down so they can have attention. Thats the last thing any of us need. Not a good start to the week.

Date:	2005-01-30 03:15
Subject:	DRUNK
Security:	Public
Mood:	drunk

So late and im so fucking drunk right now. It was a good college night all together but i feel horrible that so much pain is in so many peoples lives. Jenn i love u so much and i feel like i should have been there for u tonite but i was so selfish. Im so sorry, and i love u sooooooooooooo much. Andrew, U r my dawg, and i love u, everything will work out. Im so drunk. Finally I get drunk at school. lol. Caitlin Murphy is awesome, and Steve is the man. Mike is awesome, he is def. the nicest kid ever. Jaci is cool beans, she has it rough like everyone else and she is unique. After hanging out and drinking with nick and andrew tonite i realize how much i love this school. I dont see myslef leaving cause I love some people here so much. NIGHTY NIGHT

Date:	2005-01-29 00:23
Subject:	Today
Security:	Public
Mood:	angry
Music:	Limp Bizkit " Eat You Alive"

Well today was ok, I had no classes so that was awesome. I played basketball with mike today and he beat me twice, im not to happy about that. Then I hung out with Andrew for a while in his room than in the snack bar. Saw Jenn and Jaci and played phase ten dice. Then I came to my room and talked to people. I talked to Courtney and Melissa for a while tonite and the more and more I talk to Courtney the more and more I say to myself, " What the FUCK are u doing?" I seriously have no clue what I am doing anymore. I feel so strongly one minute and the next I dont. I can never make up my mind. Should I or shouldnt I? She is a real nice, cute girl and I know she wouldnt hurt me, but I am terrified I would hurt her. I cant stand hurting people. I cant do that to her. I am thinking about going home tomarrow to see her, I want to see her so bad. I just hate driving that much. But Ill see how I feel tomarrow. Night.

Date:	2005-01-27 17:20
Subject:	O R A N G E D O O R A G
Security:	Public
Mood:	melancholy

Howdy howdy fucking partners! It's the mother fucking OrangeDooRag wearing gangsta. YOU KNOW!! Sorry, real ghetto right there, o well. All done with classes till monday so im a little excited, even though i have mad homework. Im gonna try to get it all done tonite so i can have an option of going home this weekend. A lot of driving, but it all depends on what goes down tonite. My truck is still fucked up from when i spun of the road last sunday but i think it is safe to take home. But if not i guess a boring weekend in Lyndonville.
I am really proud of Jaci for finally doing what she needed to do. I hope she sticks with her decision and is happy. It is going to be so difficult for her, but she can do it.
Jennifer is the female, and she rocks my world. It is so easy for me to give advice to people, but i cant even take it myself. I feel like a hypocrit sometimes, but i just try to help her through her rough spots like she does for me.
Audrey left for work today and she wont be back till monday probably. I hope she has a good weekend, and I hope she gets what she wants.

How is it that you know the way you should feel but u cant seem to believe it?? It sucks, but thats life.

Date:	2005-01-26 23:02
Subject:	My day
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused

My first live journal entry. So excited! This week is turning out much better than last weeks. Last week I had a complete breakdown and I wasn't sure who I was anymore. I went home after two days back at school because the pressure and the stress was eating me alive. So many different emotions happening at one time is not good for anyone and so I went home got the help I needed and now I am some what refreshed. I wasn't sure if I was going to come back to LSC because I didn't know how everyone would react and respond to my situation. Im so happy that I found out who my real friends are, and I love them so much. Im so glad that my family was there for me when I needed them also. My brother in particular. We always will have our differences, but I feel like he is the one person in my life that has my back no matter what, even if he expresses himself differently than i would like. For the rest of my life I will always have my brother, and we will be brothers and nothing can ever change that. Not even his stupid ass girlfriend.
Anyways.... So I'm back at school and im still a little lost inside. I am trying so hard to be strong but I know one day i am going to crack. My dad told me that if I ever want to come home I can, and that I should do whatever I want. Just some times at school im just frustrated and angry and all I wanna do is get away. My friends at home are completely different than the ones here at LSC. The only person that relates to both is Andrew. Andrew has a certain affect on me that I cant explain. He can just say something and it will just click and make me understand things better. I love him for it, he is straight up and doesnt hold back. Another person like that is my main man Erik. I miss him so much, he is my boy, its not the same here without him. If Erik was here I would be a lot better emotionally. I envy Erik because he doesnt care who you are he is going to tell you how he feels even if that bothers you. I wish I could do that. But ya, Erik is missed by me a whole lot.
Well tomarrow is thursday and I have no classes on friday so I dont know if I will be going home this weekend or not. I want to because I will be able to see Courtney and Melissa and they are awesome people. But not sure yet, I just really want to see Courtney this weekend. But anyways BYE

Mike is sexy!!